The Return of the Boys

Oya everyone!

So this post was supposed to come much earlier than it has. The plan was to write this immediately after Jacob finished watching Return of the King. That didn’t happen. We got distracted. So he forgot most of the content he watched. But we still wanted to share his . . . . thoughts? Can you call them thoughts? His ramblings with you, however few he remembered to write down. Ariella helped with some of this so thank you Ari.

Jacob’s Ramblings

On Gollum vs Frodo and Sam: “I cannot truly describe with words just how wrong Gollum is. He’s just unpleasant to look at. I don’t . . . like it. Like, why can I count the individual bones in his spine. All of his bones just stick out a little too much. And he just . . . his entire being makes me uncomfortable. And yeah, that’s the whole point, but you know, it didn’t have to be. I wonder how differently the movie would’ve played out if they had stabbed him . . .”

On the Uruk-hai: “My boy . . . he sick. He dyin’. Unrelated . . . I love Gimli, he’s great. We should all aspire to be just a little more like Gimli.”

On Grima’s control over Theoden: “Hey! I recognize that lady! She’s the one that really wants to die fighting in war for some reason! Also doesn’t she have a crush on what’s-his-face at some point? I don’t remember, but I do remember he’s way too old for her to be crushin’ on him; it’s kinda weird, not gonna lie. Right, right, the actual scene. Uh . . . why didn’t they kill this guy instead of exiling him again?” 

On the Riders of Rohan:  “So . . . lemme get this straight. Three dudes show up behind you, in an obvious position to sneak attack if they wanted to. Then, one of them goes: “Hey guys! What’s up?” They show no signs of aggression. So, naturally, let’s surround them and point alllll of our spears at them. What???” 

On the Ents: “Tree people! Treeple! I love the Treeple! But also . . . why is his name Treebeard? His beard is made of moss. Which isn’t part of the tree? It doesn’t make sense. Why is he named for his beard? Does that also mean he had this beard since he was . . . well not born, cause he’s a tree. Was he born? Or did he grow out of the ground and then rip his feetsies out of the ground. And when did he get the beard? Was he just called Treebald before he got the beard? Was he just expected to grow a beard to make his name make sense? ‘Cause that’s a lot of pressure. Some guys just can’t grow a good beard, you know? I have so many questions and not nearly enough answers. I need to know more about these Treeple.”

Assorted Quotes Recorded During the Movies:

“If I had a dream, I’d be freaking out too, buddy.”

“It would be fun, they said. Rescue the boys, they said.”

“If your character can be replaced by a pair of binoculars, you aren’t important.”

“I am Groot! Wait, no.”

“No don’t rub your bald head against him!”

“No no no no, you don’t get to just age backwards, you Benjamin Button lookin’–“

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I hope you were amused. I was. That’s all I’ve got for today, we’re slowly but surely getting back into posting. See you next week hopefully!

~Ace

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